Just fell off a train. Bad.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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