Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
