well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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