Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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