I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
