I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
