East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
