My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
