I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
