WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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