Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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