I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
