The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
