I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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