I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
