If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
