Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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