I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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