There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
