if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
