I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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