2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
