I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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