I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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