we made out on top of his cat.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
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