If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
