you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
did you just send me my own nude
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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