This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize