they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
