Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
