Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
