Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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