she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
