Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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