Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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