Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
