you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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