i already hear my dad disowning me
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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