i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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