I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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