She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
