ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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