Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
