Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
