haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
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At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
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I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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