her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
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Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
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I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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