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hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Randomize
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