can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.