Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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