I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK