Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?