I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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