she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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