Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
