Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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