so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
