I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
