Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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