How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
