She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
