Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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