my vag is so smooth its legendary
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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