6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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