Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I will be naked everywhere
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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