Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
