gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
