flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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