Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
