Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Randomize
